Sexy Jokes: Funny Sexy Jokes for Adults | Dirty Jokes for Her or Him

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Bob's wife is nude and looking at herself in the mirror. She says to him "Bob, look at me, I am old and wrinkly, I am fat and saggy plus my teeth look yellow and awful. I could really use a compliment from you right about now." A boy says to a girl, “So, sex at my place?” “Yeah!” “Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?” Later on, the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!” The younger brother says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!” On the second day of fishing. Grandpa pulls out a cigarette and the conversation continues like this:

I am dirty, I love being filled with wood, but someone only goes down on me once a year. What am I? Riddles pique our attention. What if the theme was filthy and disgusting? What’s the best portion of your body to put into a pie? One of the examples of a short dirty jokes and riddles. Your pearly whites.They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

Did you know that there was such a thing as origami p*rn? There is a special TV channel just for it, but it is paper-view. A man comes home carrying a bouquet of flowers. The wife says, ‘‘I suppose I’ll spread my legs now.’’ The husband remarks, ‘‘why? You mean you don’t have a vase?’’ A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, “Depends what’s in it for me.” Do you know why it takes around 200 million sperm cells to fertilize just one egg? It’s because they won’t stop to ask for directions.When a woman says "What?", it is not because she didn't hear you. She is actually giving you a second chance to change what you said. Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella. What is a comment that the people born in September often hear? I guess your parents started the new year with a bang! What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls? A white Christmas! *** Epic dirty joke: the magic hotel room with benefits ***

Definition of a psychiatrist - An expensive therapist that will provide you with answers which your wife will give you for free. My girlfriend thought I’d be a pushover in bed, and wouldn’t you know it, she had me pegged from the start. Q: What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? A: I want you inside me! Girl: “Hey, what’s up?” Boy: “If I tell you, will you sit on it?” Did you hear the story about the man who ejaculated without a penis? He ended up coming out of nowhere.The only thing I can offer to put ladies at ease is that I am of no sexual threat whatsoever. I’m 42 years of age, I literally have to hit it with nettles. Sex with me these days is akin to thumbing marshmallows into the anus of a cat. I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.

A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. I said, ‘You’re right, it’s supposed to be up the bum!'” – Gary Delaney I can be short or long, I bring people great joy and you can have multiple at the same time. What am I? Is it feasible to have a dirty and humorous joke at the same time? It is, indeed. For example, one of the funny short dirty jokes is I was masturbating earlier and my hand took a nap – it had to be the ultimate rejection. Are you in need of some dirty minded jokes? Well, don’t you get tense because we have got you covered with a bunch of dirty jokes to share with your friends and family. A single man often fantasizes about having a gorgeous, kind, and loving wife. A married man wishes for the same thing.Next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and say "now you're super angry!" I was watching Simpsons with my friend and his wife. I and she were laughing. He was not. Then I understood why. He did not get any action from his wife. Her boyfriend told me. Mouthful Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.” – Billy Connolly No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.”