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There are unstated lines to "if you have a problem with anything your kids are doing, you need to work on yourself instead" and "whatever your behavior as a parent is, it's fine as long as you do better later." I got the sense she assumes we're all from the same culture/class/upbringing/etc and knows what isn't being said. But as stated before, if you’re past the early years wondering if it’s too late, it’s not. The brain has neuroplasticity – which is the ability to rewire based on new information. If you have past situations you aren’t proud of, you and your child can rewrite the ending through a process called repair. Here is an example of parents and kids doing their jobs. Your child is protesting, pleading, “Please 15 more minutes!” — remember, they aren’t being difficult, they are doing their job of expressing themselves. Doing your job would be saying, “Two things are true: iPad time is over and you’re allowed to be upset. It’s so hard to end things we enjoy. For me too.” Your child may still protest, and that’s OK. No one is having fun, but you are both doing your jobs well. 3. It’s never too late. Overall positive: Yes, it is good to assume kids are real and having real feelings, and talk to them like they are humans. The traditional parenting way is to push the kid in while saying “It’s fine! It’s a birthday party! You’ll have fun! See you in an hour,” and leave.
Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming - OceanofPDF [PDF] [EPUB] Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming - OceanofPDF
Her Good Inside approach has strengthened my resolve to trust my adult kids, to listen far more than I speak, to prioritize understanding them over convincing them of the rightness of my own ideas, and has helped me tremendously in supporting my kids when they are wrestling with challenges in life. This is the best parenting book I’ve ever read. Dr. Kennedy is a clinical PhD psychologist and her approach and methodology to parenting is one of compassion, understanding, patience and engagement. From this book I feel like I’ve learned three key things that all children seek: connection, bodily autonomy and boundaries. Most conflicts arise when one or all of these three needs are not being met. There are so many nuggets of good advice here that all cohere with a grand strategy of recognizing that behaviors are not your child, they are windows into their needs. Here’s a sample script to bring all of these elements together: “I was having big feelings that came out in a yelling voice. Those were my feelings and it’s my job to work on managing them better. It’s never your fault when I yell. I love you.” “Parenting doesn’t have to be defined by moments of struggle.”
Es vēlos, lai mans bērns spētu tikt galā ar visu, ko pasaule liek viņam priekšā. Es vēlētos, kaut viņš justos atbalstīts grūtos brīžos, esot vēl maziņš, lai varētu sevi atbalstīt pieaugot. I think the best gift we can give our kids is helping them realize that happiness is not the goal. Of course, we want our children to experience happiness. But if we only focus on happiness, we don’t leave room for all of the other emotions that our kids are going to experience. If we focus on building resilience, we help our kids learn to regulate when they experience sadness, anger, and distress. As we’ve already mentioned, your relationships with others will only ever be as good as your relationship with yourself. If you’re like most parents, you’ve experienced your fair share of shame. It’s important to face that shame, name it, and bring it out into the open. You’re doing this for your own healing, but also so you can recognize shame reactions in your children and help them navigate those tough emotions.
Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent - Paminy Summary: Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent - Paminy
Tantrums can actually be good because they teach children to advocate for themselves. They are just a tsunami of unregulated emotion. Containment is key during a tantrum, not engaging with logic. You contain and connect and then talk once talk once the tantrum has passed. Name the wish underneath the tantrum which helps with immediate connection. Remember these words during an unsafe tantrum “I won’t let you…” because it gives them the boundaries that they are seeking. We all have our own jobs in the family and a child’s job is this- exploring and learning through experiencing and expressing emotions.” That’s why raising children with a connection-based mindset is also a self-improvement journey. Because our relationships with others – even our kids – will only ever be as good as our relationship with ourselves.Raising children with the good-inside approach is ultimately about love and respect. Most behaviors that children exhibit should be easily understandable. After all, we have many of those same behaviors even as adults. Recognize that behavior isn’t the problem and that changing behavior isn’t the ultimate goal. Your child is good inside. There’s a reason they’re behaving the way they are. Your approach to their behavior has to start with connection. Your job is to hold boundaries. And by doing these things, you’re creating an environment that allows your child to feel safe, loved, and good on the outside. Genres As we mentioned before, connection is the cure to shame. In the next section, we’ll talk about how to build connection capital with your kids. Connection is Key But maybe parenting shouldn’t revolve around traditional discipline methods and charts. And this Blink is here to prove it.
Book Summary: Good Inside by Becky Kennedy Book Summary: Good Inside by Becky Kennedy
Yes, it makes sense to treat kids like humans, but if you are saying that children process things differently from adults, stop saying that the way you would feel when you heard a certain statement is obviously how a kid would also feel. And don't assume that all adults react to things the same way! (ha the coffeeshop example).Using an MGI doesn’t make a bad behavior OK. It just helps you see the good kid or adult who is under the behavior. This encourages intervention from a place of seeing our kid as a good kid having a hard time, not a bad kid doing bad things. This mindset difference is everything. 2. Know your job.
Good Inside Good Inside
Gentle Parenting is not completely new. "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen" was published in 1999 and suggests treating kids with respect and consideration. (I think it's a great book -- highly recommend). "Kids, Parents, Power Struggles" by Kurcinka was published in 2001. However, the primary thrust of Kurcinka was to develop a close relationship with your child, NOT that you are responsible for managing their emotions. There are a lot of suggestions that are very vague about the age of kids that they are appropriate for, and I suppose you are meant to just figure that out. To teach resilience, you need certain capabilities like empathy, listening, acceptance, and presence. You need to be able to help your child identify their strengths and learn to solve problems on their own. Here’s the hard part – to accomplish what you want for your child, you also have to treat yourself with the same love and respect. The rationale behind this is pseudoscientific babble. Kids cannot regulate their emotions well (fact). Therefore, you need to help them (okay). And if you don’t do it the right way, the kid will grow up emotionally unhealthy and be unable to have functional adult relationships (whaaaat…?!). Atcerieties: bērniem nekas nešķiet tik šausmīgs kā sāpīgās jūtas, ar kurām viņi paliek vieni, attiecību salabošana šo vientulību aizstāj ar saikni, un tam vajadzētu kļūt par mūsu viskvēlāko vēlmi un mērķi.
Part Two: The Emotional Health of the Child
Spending one-on-one time with your child on a regular basis can prevent much of that negative behavior. Cenšoties otru pārliecināt, mums prātā ir tikai viens mērķis: pierādīt savu taisnību. Taču tam ir nepatīkamas sekas, jo otrs cilvēks jūtas nepamanīts un nesadzirdēts, un rezultātā lielākā daļa cilvēku noskaņojas kaujinieciski un dusmojas, jo rodas sajūta, ka otrs nepieņem viņa pasaules redzējumu vai apšauba viņa vērtību. Jušanās nepamanītam un nesadzirdētam padara saiknes izveidošanu neiespējamu. But maybe parenting shouldn’t revolve around traditional discipline methods and charts. And this summary is here to prove it. From all of my readings over the years on parenting, I still struggle with controlling my own emotions when my kids are having ‘big feelings’. It’s really been bothering me lately, because I know that if I cannot regulate mySELF, then I sure as hell am not teaching my kids how to do so. And worse, I’m showing them how to lose control when things get tough. There’s one question I hear from parents more than any other: Is it too late? Have I messed up my child? My answer is always No.
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