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All of these things–the tough love, the grace-filled conversations, the surrendering of our kids to God’s care–can create a climate where healing and growth can take place, one in which relationships flourish. You think you have your children sorted. You got them through GCSEs and A levels, off to university perhaps, or into employment, then – after they brought home a few bad ’uns – settling with a partner and starting their own family. Along the way you might have had some advice from parenting experts such as Penelope Leach, the National Childbirth Trust, fellow mothers at the school gate, siblings or friends.
Delayed gratification is the answer." Again, that's one that can apply to so many things in life, including dieting. Earlier this week, I had the pleasure (the fun!) of interviewing a fellow who has answers to questions like these. There were a couple of points I didn't completely agree with. For example, he had some different counsel/reaction than I think I would regarding "children not embracing my values" and I didn't agree with his attitude toward the culture and its effect on our children. He seems to think it's expected that culture will influence our children more than we can and we just have to accept it. I don't think it has to be that way, nor do I think it is good to just passively give in. HomeWord is non-profit, donor supported ministry. If you would like to partner with HomeWord in our effort to help more parents and families you can make a donation. Your investment will allow us to expand this ministry by offering more resources to families and churches in need. Jim Burns: Even if they’ve not launched or they’re not doing so well or if they violated values, the bottom line is they’re asking this question, do you still love me? And I really believe that our kids need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, Hey, I still love you and we’re going to get through this process together in that. I think that’s the best thing. We as parents can offer our kids at the same time know we do have to set boundaries and hold expectations but in a way very different than when they were children.There's a couple other comments I've heard on that proverb (22:6.) One is that while the proverb talks about what the child will do when he/she is old, it doesn't mention anything about the middle years. It includes many who wander and who do return to faith.
When you are intrusive and give unsolicited guidance, your kids don't hear it and they view it as a sign of disrespect." Again, this just feels like a foreign concept to me - feeling disrespected just because someone offers a word of advice. I generally appreciated the attention and the thought for me, whether or not I followed the advice. The basic thrust is in the title-keep your big mouth shut and be welcoming. Burns does stress that this doesn't mean we agree with all our adult children choices (they know when they are going against your family's principles, etc.) but that you don't become such a scold that they cease talking to you or sharing. This is where I'm at in my life. My kids are now adults. One has a family of his own in a little apartment not too far from his childhood home. The other still lives at home while he completes his college degree. They both have significant others and the oldest has blessed me with my first grandchild. The majority of the mothers told Bayford how much they loved spending time with their grandchildren and many had a part-time childcare role in their children’s families’ lives. Byford herself looks after her daughter’s child one day a fortnight. Yet there are very often tensions over how grandmothers do it: what they allow to happen; what food is prepared; what activities are offered. As one interviewee, Paula, told Byford: “My daughter does not like me to be close to the grandchildren. She doesn’t do sharing: one wrong move and there will be sanctions.” Because let’s be honest. Our kids will all blow it, in one way or another. They might get in trouble. They might violate our values. Or they might just do stuff that boggles our minds, like when one of my relatives tried to unclog his toilet with a cherry bomb. He dropped it in the bowl and then stood on the lid.The Advent printable includes 25 cards, each one highlighting a different one of God’s character traits. Featuring: Transition Parenting, Enabling, Letting Go, Expectations, Grace, Bible Verses, Apologies, Being The Bigger Person, The Advice You Don't Want To Take, Keeping Your Mouth Shut, Failure To Launch, Boomerang Kids, Emerging Adults Jim made lots of good points in our talk (and you’ll find even more in his book), but here are three of my top takeaways:
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