If I Can't Have You

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The story embraces some difficult topics — loss, grief, guilt, blame — but Levin handles them with the utmost sensitivity. I even found some sympathy for Colin, who at the end of the day was also a victim. But it was Janet I cared and rooted for.

The ending is written in a way that you can draw your own conclusions and I liked the fact that things were not rushed and wrapped up in a bow neat and tidy. The reasoning behind choosing the “safe” areas is also illogical. Some nearer destinations are out of bounds or a scarier prospect than somewhere further yet familiar. But to clarify, none are far from my house. I’m trapped within the constraints of my hometown – the only occasion where the term “Madchester” would be acceptable. My restrictions aren’t limited to the where but also the when. The only thing worse than a journey is a journey with bad traffic. The vision of red brake lights ahead is a certain trigger. Overheating, nausea, dizziness, palpitations and derealisation are all exacerbated by the fact I can’t escape. My mum was my safety person. I could even travel from London to Manchester with her and go to the seaside. When she died five years ago, followed by my dad a few months later, it wasn’t just agonising grief I was dealing with, but my capacity to negotiate the world had gone, too. The pufferfish deflated to the size of an anchovy. I was metaphorically cast adrift, with the additional misfortune of potentially never being able to see the sea again. Janet Brown is a cleaner. She lives with her husband, Colin, who controls her in pretty much every way possible and continues to pile on the guilt for something that happened eleven years ago. Basically, her life is mundane and miserable and she's simply surviving from day to day. But then she's involved in a train crash which gives her a chance at redemption for the tragedy that she believes is her fault. Unfortunately for Janet, nothing is quite as it seems and she gets deeper and deeper into a deceitful situation.I really liked Constance and so many times I felt like reaching out to her. Bless her heart. The ending was satisfying though, and I can't give it any less than 5 stars. There is no doubt in my mind that Charlotte could be the next “Mistress of Misery” or “Dame of Dysfunction” because she creates the most incredible characters and puts them in situations that make my sphincter clench!! With each of her books, I read with an overwhelming feeling of dread and discomfort and this is exactly how I like to feel when reading psychological thrillers.

I didn't really know about this book at first but I did get into it. Janet is a cleaner with an overly controlling husband, Colin. It's clear from the start that something isn't right between the pair, Colin is horrible towards Janet, never lets her go out and always expects her to do everything for him. But the truth is much stranger than fiction; far darker and twisted than anyone could possibly imagine. Including Constance herself. IfICantHaveYou #psychologicalthriller #NoRulesJustThrills #InExchangeForReview #JustFinished #BookReviewMy thanks to NetGalley and to the publishers, PanMacmillan for a copy of the ARC in return for an honest review. Levin’s prose is fierce and original - not once did my attention stray. It fairly bristles with anger - almost everyone in Constance’s life is subject to her cynical scrutiny, but this brings laughs too, especially when she regales us with details about her fellow receptionists and Linda and Alison. Fantastic book. Thank you to @instabooktours also for hosting and allowing me to be part of this tour.