Cock Piss Partridge - Alan Partridge Mens T Shirt

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Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady.

Later we'll be taking dedications for anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission. Also, I'll be asking: Which is the worst monger? Fish, iron, rumour or war? No! "Monkey Tennis"? There is to be no second series, and I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, - and I haven't liked a single one. Lynn: You know, one can find some strength, when you are at your bleakest moments if you open yourself up to… Alan: You know what this room says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It’s like being inside an enormous Fox’s Glacier Mint, which again to me is a bonus. commenting on random clips of football/soccer matches in a build up to the upcoming 1994 FIFA World Cup): Shit! Did you see that!? He must have a foot like a traction engine. Striker! And that, was a gooooooal! The proof is in the pudding and in this case the pudding, is a football...Tony: There is to be no second series. And I’ve listened to your ideas, I’ve listened to them all, and I haven’t liked a single one of them.

The corporation said: “This Time is the perfect shop window for a man of Alan’s gravitas and will – or should – see him finally recognised as one of the heavyweight broadcasters of his era. Alan: Can I just say, this is music to my ears. [Wait starts to pour the Blue Nun] Whoa!, what are you doing? What are you doing? Alan: I’ll be honest, I’m pretty curious. I’d basically like to understand man’s inhumanity to man. Then make a programme about it. Alan: Yep. [Lynn starts to walk towards the living room door, and Alan cuts in front of her] One more question. On the way here quite near by I did see a community centre with a mural on the side? Alan: Thank you. That’s all I wanted to know. During the lunch with Tony Hayers, Alan meets Peter Linehan, who is revamping news and current affairs output at the BBC:Kids like to go to the zoo but the beasts I like to look at are made of zinc galvanised steel - they're cars.

Alan: Lynn I’m not coming to your Baptist church! They always get people when they’re down! I don’t want salvation, I just want to be able to say “I’m Alan Partridge.” “Join me tonight when my guests will be”… I don’t know “Chris Rea”. Actually he lives in the area. Could have had him over. Alan acts out a conversation he may have had with Chris Rea if he lived in the same area: A-haaa!" (LYNN) What if Tony Hayers sees "Cook, Pass, Babtridge" painted on your car? (ALAN) Don't worry, Lynn, I'll play it down. Tony: Erm, Alan, this is Peter Linehan he’s revamping our current affairs outputs. [Alan really doesn’t care and shrugs his shoulders to make the point]Tony: [Tony is holding a bottle of Blue Nun, laughing hysterically] Blue Nun! Alan discusses his programme ideas with Tony Hayers at lunch: Alan: Would you like me to lap dance for you? [Tony shows a ten pound note] Uh-uh. I want a second series. Lynn arrives and wakes up Alan to discuss the days events: Alan: Michael, Michael. I was just saying to Susan, bit of a job for you. Unfortunately some vandals have sworn all over my car again. Alan: You’ve gone again, GOODNIGHT! Alan is in his hotel room, reading an article by Tony Hayers on a sweep up at the BBC, Alan reacts immediately by reeling off some ideas for programmes into his Dictaphone: Don't cry, ears! You're on the side of a lovely head! - Aah! - Good show this morning? - It was a belter! Did you hear it? - No.

Alan: Abandon that, Lynn, it’s not working. Ok, doomsday scenario. You, Tony Hayers, have decide not to give me another television series. Why? Be tough. Do you go around drawing peephole bras on the wall? But it was different for me, like 'cause I was in the army when I was seventeen.

COOK PASS BABTRIDGE

Alan [Viewing the dining room]: Yes it’s an extender! Fantastic. That is the icing on the cake!. If King Arthur had an extender on his table. Alan: No, no god Carol, no god no. She’s living with that fitness instructor; he provides her all her sexual, intercourse. Sorry I’m err, dry skin, I’m flaking again. I’m sorry about the cow early, by the way. You’re not a cow. And if you were, you’d be a lovely Jersey. Ripe for milking. At this point, Sophie comes joins Susan behind reception: