Yorkshire Jokes

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Life is a roller coaster. It comes with its beautiful ups, but also its inevitable downs. And when things don’t seem to be going our way, the least you can do is find the humor in the tragedy. Don’t feel bad about enjoying dark humor here and there, life is sometimes too dark for us to take it seriously!

The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the lorry hit you?" A Scouser went to a prostitute. She said, 'Do you want a blow job?' He said, 'Will it affect me dole money?' Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10p." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true. A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.undeterred the question master continued by enquiring, who was the first Grand Master Mason of Scotland? as in the former instance the brother's answer was "pass". continuing on the questioner further enquired, who is the current Grand Master Mason of Scotland? and for a third time the answer was "pass". Do you mind if I share this bench with you? It’s just that sitting alone here is as bad as ‘a pint without a Wotsit’.” Culture Trip launched in 2011 with a simple yet passionate mission: to inspire people to go beyond their boundaries and experience what makes a place, its people and its culture special and meaningful — and this is still in our DNA today. We are proud that, for more than a decade, millions like you have trusted our award-winning recommendations by people who deeply understand what makes certain places and communities so special. Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?'

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism. A man decided to tattoo his wife’s name on his pen*s. When hard it reads Wendy on the side of his shaft. When soft it only reads Wy.Eeh, yer reight nesh." – A draft? There's no draft, you're just a big southern softie who can't handle a bit of cold. But I’m not convinced that’s true, even for comedians like me who can joke about anything they want. If I went on stage in 2021 and referred to someone by using the P-word or the N-word, the audience would turn on me. They would either walk out, tell me to get off, or if they were really polite, write a letter of complaint. They just wouldn’t stand for it. Does anybody know any Lancashire jokes. I'm doing a Lancashire night at the end of April and have lots of songs but not much in the way of chat between them. As they say, Lancashire folk don't mind anyone laughing at them as long as we're earnin more brass than them. Come to think of it, Yorkshire jokes will do just as well. Jumbo Jet full of passengers in flight when all engines fail. Pilot announces that they have 30 minutes gliding time but as they are mid North Atlantic there is no chance of making land. Furthermore, due to inclement conditions there is little chance of rescue and whoever survives the crash will, like as not, die of hypothermia.

Corforus apostate itmornin=I would like you to call upon my person at half past the hour of eight in the morn Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, ‘Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?’Excuse me, Love! I’m not usually one for ‘cat’calling, but you’re definitely a one of a kind Furby.” When you tell a joke to a merchant, he laughs twice--once when you tell it, and once when you explain it. But although he is polite company, he will never understand the joke.

What is even worse than waking up after a party and finding a pen*s was drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced. Although not a Yorkshireman, Clough had the dry wit and dour delivery of one. Yorkshire humour is traditionally delivered deadpan, with no hint of a smile. Austin makes a distinction between jokes and laughter. “You can laugh with, not at, a Yorkshireman – but you’ll be laughing alone,” he says. “To laugh is to give summat away. We’re not inclined to do that.” Be reight." – I'm so desperately sorry to hear of the awful time you're going through, but I have faith and hope that things will sort themselves out. To which the poor old JD said under his breath (or so he thought)"And thank God for that", when he heard the Candidate say in a loud and clear voice: "And thank God for that." When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.I can't do that!!!" exclaimed the Genie. "Don't you know that's impossible? No Genie could do that. It's too far, the water is too deep, it's just totally beyond anybody's power. You will have to make another wish."