It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

Product Information

Saying that one is afraid of, say, suddenly freezing to death starting at age 19, is genetically encoded is just kooky. Additionally, if we buy the premise that it is genetically encoded, just understanding that you only have the phobia because your great uncle froze to death when he was 19 (even though you were unaware of this occurrence) will not make your (genetically encoded) phobia disappear. This argument makes no sense at all. If it were true then one would expect that an understanding that your chronic depression is likely a result of too little serotonin your brain should be sufficient (without any other treatment) to make the depression disappear. I’m a therapist and read a lot of self help books and this is probably the worst one I’ve ever read. The author (who seems to have no therapy degree and does not appear to practice under any licensing board) takes research on epigenetics and intergenerational trauma and starts making very wild claims and conclusions about what he thinks this research means for trauma healing. It’s comical the amount of times in this book that someone was spontaneously healed from their chronic depression or years of obsessive thoughts just by “discovering” that a distant relative or ancestor experienced some sort of trauma that loosely relates to their experience. As someone who’s practiced therapy over 10 years - be wary of anyone who claims to be able to offer spontaneous healing. It just doesn’t happen that way very often. Yes, it IS our responsibility to heal our trauma, including the stuff passed onto us by previous generations, so we don't pass it onto our kids. But that also doesn't mean that envisioning our ancestors and telling them we can't carry their trauma any more is a magical cure.

Una compañera de trabajo y una familiar en diferentes contextos me habían recomendado este libro por situaciones relacionadas con mi salud. Después de ver la novela turca “Mi otra yo” decidí abordar el texto con todas las reservas y prevenciones por mi formación. While the first few chapters provide some useful information about how genetics and epigenetics play a role in our health, the author goes off into kookyville with his personal therapy. Honestly, the author focuses too much on how you need to fix and have a relationship with your parents and that if you fix this relationship then you will never be mentally ill again. Mind you that not everyone can fix or wants to "fix" the relationship with their parents, especially if there's severe abuse involved. He’s also very irresponsible in talking about childhood abuse (several other reviewers have covered this well.) A woman who couldn’t understand her sudden indifference toward her husband was entangled with her grandmother who lost her husband tragically at the same age. It will be important not to expect your parents to be any different from what they are — the change will occur in you. The relationship dynamics may remain the same, but your perspective will be different.”When a trauma happens, it changes us—sometimes for generations. The grief, the suffering, the distress doesn’t always end with us. The feelings and sensations—specifically the stress response, the way our genes express—can pass forward to our children and grandchildren, affecting them in a similar way, even though they didn’t personally experience our trauma. Simply put, many of us relive the tragedies from previous generations and rarely make the link. Examples from the book include: It Didn’t Start with You takes us a big step forward, advancing the fields of trauma therapy, mindfulness applications, and human understanding. It is a bold, creative, and compassionate work.” They had trauma and difficulties when they were growing up as well, and they probably (unintentionally) passed their crap down when raising you because they didn't know any better. Geçen sene okuduğum Yardım Etmenin Düzenleri isimli kitabın yazarı Bert Hellinger'e bu kitapta sıkça gönderme yapıldığını görmek de büyük bir tesadüf oldu benim için. Yardım Etmenin Düzenleri ile ilgili yazdıklarıma bakınca okumayı planladığımı hatırladığım Sevgiyle Yükselmek isimli kitabını okuma listemden çıkarmaya karar verdim.

it’s not a victim’s “job” to heal a relationship. it can take so much time to heal a wound like family trauma. and it takes efforts from both sides to make that relationship work again. Jess P. Shatkin, MD, MPH, Vice Chair for Education at NYU Langone Medical Center’s Child Study Center and author of Child & Adolescent Mental Health Somewhere along the way, I had even stopped thinking about my eye and worrying about whether it would improve or worsen. I no longer expected to be able to see clearly again. Not long afterward, my vision returned. (...) Ironically, after scouring the distant corners of the planets for answers, I found that the greatest resources for healing were already inside me just waiting to be excavated. Ultimately, healing is an inside job.” A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations, by an acclaimed expert in the fieldTypically, they might consult a doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist and receive medications, therapy, or some combination of both. But although these avenues might bring some relief, generally they don’t provide a complete solution.” Depression. Anxiety. Chronic Pain. Phobias. Obsessive thoughts. The evidence is compelling: the roots of these difficulties may not reside in our immediate life experience or in chemical imbalances in our brains-but in the lives of our parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents. The latest scientific research, now making headlines, supports what many have long intuited-that traumatic experience can be passed down through generations. It Didn't Start with You builds on the work of leading experts in post-traumatic stress, including Mount Sinai School of Medicine neuroscientist Rachel Yehuda and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score. Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died, or the story has been forgotten or silenced, memory and feelings can live on. These emotional legacies are often hidden, encoded in everything from gene expression to everyday language, and they play a far greater role in our emotional and physical health than has ever before been understood. After reading It Didn’t Start with You,I found myself immediately able to apply Mark Wolynn’s techniques with my patients and saw incredibleresults, in a shorter time than with traditional psychotherapeutic techniques. I encourage you to read this book. It’s truly cutting edge.” Yazarın, depresyondaki kişinin hayatta olmayan ve travmasından izler devraldığı kişiye ritüel eşliğinde söylemesi gereken cümleleri hazır bir şekilde sunması garip geldi bana. Bir kitap okuma ile travmanın izlerinden çözülüp tamam iyileşme fikri çok da ikna edici gelmiyor bana. Mesela bir yakınınızın öldüğü gün yemek yemekte zorlanabilirsiniz. Yaptığınız şeylerden suçluluk duyabilirsiniz. Ölen kişinin kendisi hayatta olsaydı sizin aç kalmanızı istemeyeceğini aklınızdan geçirdiğinizde bu duygunuz yatışır. Yazar bu tip bir durumu incelerken size o kişinin ruhunun sizinle birlikte olduğunu hayal edip ona bunu söylemenizi tavsiye ediyor yanlış anlamadıysam. Ancak tam bu noktada, bazı okurların bu durumu, ruhlar ölmez ve bizimledir gibi algılaması çok da ihtimal dışı değil bence. Bu da kitabın biraz spiritüel tarafı olduğunu söyletebilir insanlara.