Guns to God: My journey from drug dealing to deliverance

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I woke up the next day absolutely buzzing. I hadn’t been that happy or joyful for a very long time. People saw a change in me instantly. I was the happiest drug dealer in the world! I was born and raised in a busy south London household. It was turbulent, and there was a lot of domestic violence. Hopefully the play does well in San Francisco and someone will take a chance and bring the play to Arizona," said Claude. "I'm hoping I can bring it to Arizona. It's a great story and I want to show it off to not only my community, but to the other O'odham communities, and to other tribes." During his time at Arizona State University, where he attended undergrad and law school, Claude said he was given a final assignment in his Native American literature class and he decided to write his first play. He received a B for that play and now, more than 20 years later, one of his works, "Olivia," is set to be performed at ASU’s Theater Lab next fall. Claud has now passed his Bishops’ Advisory Panel (BAP) and is in the process of training for two years to become a Church of England priest. Once ordained, he would love to plant a church and to work with young people to decrease gang culture and knife crime. As he approaches 40, he is deeply grateful for ‘God’s truly amazing grace [which] took a once successful London drug-dealing street trader all the way from deliveries to deliverance, from guns to God’.

Watching him develop over the years and working with the Autry, it’s a great opportunity for me again to be exposed to the theater in that way,” Roberto said. “As brothers knowing what addiction meant to some of our relatives and even in our own lives, and to see it used as a way to comment on society, it's powerful stuff.” Born in Clapham, the youngest of 6 siblings, Claud grew up in the shadow of domestic violence, with a London-born mum and an abusive and controlling Jamaican dad. He spent his childhood treading on eggshells, keen not to provoke the anger which his dad would regularly take out on Claud, his mum, his siblings, and their dog. ‘Terrible pain and darkness filled our lives on a daily basis’, Claud writes, with fear and anxiety being constant companions for him as a young boy. When my eldest brother left home, he became a drug dealer. Whenever he came home, he would have stories of treasures and adventures. He always had the newest Nike Airs, and I wanted to grow up and be like him. I was six years old when he camehome with a gun. He let me hold it – I remember this vividly.Claud was just six years old when he first held a gun in his hands. Now, over twenty years later, he is returning to communities just like the one he grew up in, this time holding a Bible.

We watched the videos and they said: “If you’d like to invite Jesus into your life, you can.” So I prayed and said: “I dare you to come into my life, Jesus, and do what these people sayyou can do.” That’s a typical ‘show and prove’ mentality you grow up with in south London. And I kid you not, I felt such a welcoming presence come over me. I knew at that moment that I had encountered something and it was real. OVERWHELMED BY JOY The story of one man's search for belonging, this an incredible and moving testament to the life-changing power of God. Claud has now passed his Bishops’ Advisory Panel (BAP) and is in the process of training for two years to become a Church of England minister. Once ordained, he would love to plant a church and to work with young people to decrease gang culture and knife crime. As he approaches 40, he is deeply grateful for ‘God’s truly amazing grace [which] took a once successful London drug-dealing street trader all the way from deliveries to deliverance, from guns to God’. When I started to be in these plays I loved it," Claude said. "I loved the process. I loved the rehearsal. I was the theater nerd that I always wanted to be."After 20 years of dealing, I decided I needed a cover. So I started volunteering, mentoring young offenders. If anyone stopped me and asked what I did, I’d produce my council ID and say I was a mentor.

By the time I was in my early teens, I’d lost interest in any kind of academic pursuit and began selling cigarettes in school. I was selling cannabis from the age of 15. In my late teens I was selling cocaine and by the time I was 25, I sold heroin. You never think when you’re a teenager down the park, sitting on a swing and having a spliff, that dealing drugs is going to turn into this huge business where you’re making thousands of pounds. I would shop in Harrods and I had so many vehicles – Mercedes, Range Rovers, BMWs. Theater for Indigenous actors, playwrights and directors isn't anything new but it's not as well known as the Indigenous movie and television scene, which has become increasingly popular in recent years. Claude said in a span of about seven years of playwriting, he has met Indigenous theater actors and playwrights like the well-known Larissa FastHorse, whose play, "The Thanksgiving Play," is one of the top 10 most produced plays in America this season. Claude had actually worked in one of her plays. The earlier years of going to movies also left an impression on Roberto, and both brothers have worked on movie projects together. One movie they wrote together is called "In Circles," which Roberto directed in 2015. Though exceptional in parts, Claud's journey is remarkably relatable: it is one of being shaped by circumstance and formed through faith, of losing yourself only to be found. Above all, his story is a testament to the life-changing power of Jesus Christ. His brother became increasingly violent and was arrested again, leading to the first of many searches of their home, often in the middle of the night. Claud’s own cannabis habit – taking, buying and selling – increased. Then, when Claud was 16, his dad died. As much as Claud had hated his dad at times, he also loved him too –‘it was my father’s bravery and strength that sustained us and, ever since his death, our family has fallen apart’, he writes.

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From growing up in an abusive home to falling into crime and later finding Jesus, my journey has been a colourful one… I know that the Lord can use everything that has happened to me for his glory and that he has a plan and purpose for my life and for yours.’ The play had originally come from a shorter piece he wrote in 2019, which won the Von Marie Atchley Excellence in Playwriting Award for Native Voices at the Autry.

Moses also noted "Cashed Out" is the first Native play the San Francisco Playhouse has produced, allowing for the first time their audiences to experience Native theater. The manager was the most grounded, humble individual. My jeans would be worth more than his whole outfit. I’d park my convertible, and he’d cycle to work.

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When Claud was six years old, he held a gun for the first time – a nine millimetre handgun belonging to his older brother. ‘The gun possessed power, and as young as I was, I could feel it. I could feel its darkness and I could feel its strength’, he recalls. Claud hero-worshipped his brother, who left home in his early teens to become a violent drug dealer and was in prison by the time Claud was seven.