Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal

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Perfectionism, according to psychologists, can blind us to our achievements while enforcing impeccable – often impossible – standards upon ourselves. It can be inflicted from within (self-oriented), projected on to others (other-oriented) or absorbed from those around us (socially prescribed). Trying (and failing) to meet these expectations can be destructive and perfectionism can make someone vulnerable to anxiety, depression and suicide. As a trait, it had certainly caused Curran plenty of anguish, but as a research subject, it turned out to be a good match. In 2017, he co-authored a far-reaching study with Dr Andrew Hill that demonstrated that perfectionism had been steadily rising since the 1980s. Recent generations of young people, he wrote in the Psychological Bulletin, “perceive that others are more demanding of them, are more demanding of others, and are more demanding of themselves”. These two mid-18th-century schools of thought — one seeing perfection in nature and in the past, and the other in civilization and in the future — represented a reaction not against the idea of perfection, but against its transcendental interpretation: as, earlier, the measure of perfection had been the idea of God, so now it was the idea of nature or of civilization. It was the latter idea that ultimately gained the upper hand and passed into the 19th century as the legacy of the Enlightenment. [20] Today, R.L. Mathewson is the single mother of two children that keep her on her toes. She has a bit of a romance novel addiction as well as a major hot chocolate addiction and on a perfect day, she combines the two.

The first of these concepts is fairly well subsumed within the second. Between those two and the third, however, there arises a duality in concept. This duality was expressed by Thomas Aquinas, in the Summa Theologica, when he distinguished a twofold perfection: when a thing is perfect in itself — as he put it, in its substance; and when it perfectly serves its purpose. [4] The book highlights that societal change is needed to counter the rise of perfectionism. But, while many people may want, and advocate for, change, it will no doubt take time to work towards this as a society. Ultimately, it will require policy changes and huge collective action, such as stricter regulations for advertising and social media platforms, fewer mandatory tests in schools and colleges alongside a greater focus on development and learning, and the creation of a more level playing field through policies such as basic income (244). But, for now, Curran suggests, we must “meet the world where it is” and accept what we can’t control (211). Ultimately, [countering societal perfectionism] will require policy changes and huge collective action, such as stricter regulations for advertising and social media platforms, fewer mandatory tests in schools and colleges alongside a greater focus on development and learning However, the expression "perfect" is also used colloquially as a superlative ("perfect idiot," "perfect scoundrel," "perfect storm"). Here perfectum is confused with excellens of an approving, admiring or condemnatory kind. [47]A second interpretation, however, took the contrary view: civilization perfected man by bringing him closer to reason, and thereby to nature; for reason would direct life with due consideration for the laws of nature. [20] Think of what understanding this great orchestration could mean for relationships. Imagine interacting with others knowing that they too each share this parallel with the snowflake. Like you, they are headed to the same place and no matter what they may appear like to you, they have taken the perfect form for their journey. How strong our relationships would be if we could see and respect that we are all perfectly imperfect for our journey.” For everything in this journey of life we are on, there is a right wing and a left wing: for the wing of love there is anger; for the wing of destiny there is fear; for the wing of pain there is healing; for the wing of hurt there is forgiveness; for the wing of pride there is humility; for the wing of giving there is taking; for the wing of tears there is joy; for the wing of rejection there is acceptance; for the wing of judgment there is grace; for the wing of honor there is shame; for the wing of letting go there is the wing of keeping. We can only fly with two wings and two wings can only stay in the air if there is a balance. Two beautiful wings is perfection. There is a generation of people who idealize perfection as the existence of only one of these wings every time. But I see that a bird with one wing is imperfect. An angel with one wing is imperfect. A butterfly with one wing is dead. So this generation of people strive to always cut off the other wing in the hopes of embodying their ideal of perfection, and in doing so, have created a crippled race.” Based on his research with Professor Andrew Hill, Curran states that levels of perfectionism over the past 30 years and, in particular socially prescribed perfectionism, are rising at an exponential rate among college students in the UK, US and Canada. And while we know perfectionism largely develops from genetics and our early life experiences, Curran highlights that this doesn’t necessarily explain why levels of perfectionism are rising. Rather, Curran argues “the culprit is culture”.

In a looser sense, real things are called "perfect" if they approximate perfection more or less closely, though they be not, strictly speaking, perfect. [12] One reason for this that is explored in the book is the widely peddled idea that we live in a meritocracy – the belief that we can achieve upward social mobility through our own merits, rather than through wealth or social status. Thus, failure to succeed is figured as personal rather than a result of an unequal societal structure. Today’s younger generation, Curran argues, faces enormous pressure to demonstrate their worth in a culture fixated on more, bigger, and better. These meritocratic pressures affect everyone, perhaps more so the well-off. Indeed, the middle and upper classes make up the vast majority of college intake. But, Curran explains, it doesn’t mean the poorer aren’t affected; they have higher to climb up the social ladder and have more obstacles to overcome (168-169). From a conviction that perfection was a single quality, the Pythagoreans, Plato and their adherents held that beauty also was a single quality; hence, for every kind of art, there was but one perfect and proper form. Plutarch stated ( De Musica) that, during the early Greek age, musical harmonies that were recognized as perfect were legally binding at public performances. [23] The first half of the 16th century saw John Calvin's complete conditioning of man's perfection on the grace of God. [19]In the 20th and 21st centuries, the advances of science and technology appear to have been paralleled to some extent by increasingly pluralistic attitudes. The Polish philosopher Władysław Tatarkiewicz (1886–1980) has written: "To demand of someone that he strive after perfection seems equally inappropriate as to blame him for not striving after it." Such striving, he adds, "is often egocentric and yields poorer moral and social results than an outward-directed behavior based not on self-perfection but on good will and kindliness toward others". [22] Aesthetics Petrik, S., Perfection – 5 Principles of Lean Thinking, Center for Quality Management in Education, accessed 20 December 2022

Even if you don't think of yourself as a perfectionist, this remarkable book will illuminate some insidious effects of perfectionism in your life, as well as in society writ large. Fortunately, Thomas Curran offers a way out, a way to increase our fulfillment and joy by learning how to embrace the power of "good enough". Research-based, wise, and practical,? The Perfection Trap is a must-read' - Amy C. Edmondson, Professor, Harvard Business School Curran takes us on a journey to better understand the nature of perfectionism, how it affects us, where it comes from, and why it is on the rise. We have all heard that no two snowflakes are alike. Each snowflake takes the perfect form for the maximum efficiency and effectiveness for its journey. And while the universal force of gravity gives them a shared destination, the expansive space in the air gives each snowflake the opportunity to take their own path. They are on the same journey, but each takes a different path. I find parallels in nature to be a beautiful reflection of grand orchestration. One of these parallels is of snowflakes and us. We, too, are all headed in the same direction. We are being driven by a universal force to the same destination. We are all individuals taking different journeys and along our journey, we sometimes bump into each other, we cross paths, we become altered... we take different physical forms. But at all times we too are 100% perfectly imperfect. At every given moment we are absolutely perfect for what is required for our journey. I’m not perfect for your journey and you’re not perfect for my journey, but I’m perfect for my journey and you’re perfect for your journey. We’re heading to the same place, we’re taking different routes, but we’re both exactly perfect the way we are. As early as the 5th century CE, two distinct views on perfection had arisen within the Church: that it was attainable by man on earth by his own powers; and, that it may come to pass only by special divine grace. The first view, which was championed by Pelagius, was condemned in 417 CE; the second view, which was championed by St. Augustine, prevailed at the very beginning of the 5th century and became authoritative. [17]

The Greek philosopher Anaximander described the world as "endless" ( apeiron), Xenophanes — as "the greatest" ( megistos). But while they ascribed great qualities to the world, they did not regard it as perfect. [35] Parmenides In the chapter, “Accept yourself”, Curran offers some practical and realistic advice for those struggling with perfectionism. Though he admits this won’t necessarily be easy with the forces of today’s culture working against us. The first step is understanding perfectionism and recognising that our need for perfection is largely conditioned by our culture. Acceptance involves not only accepting ourselves, but accepting we are not responsible for the culture we live in, especially the young who have inherited it from previous generations. That said, while the economy and society will continue to feed on our insecurities, he urges us to take a stand against it.

a b c d e f Tatarkiewicz, "Perfection in the Sciences. I. Perfect Numbers", Dialectics and Humanism, vol. VII, no. 2 (spring 1980), p. 138. July 15, 2016: In Chapter 33 Teresa writes: 'I have noticed how in this petition alone he repeats the words: first he says and asks the Father to give us this daily bread, and then repeats, "give it to us this day, Lord," invoking the Father again. It's as though Jesus tells the Father that he is now ours since the Father has given him to us to die for us; and asks that the Father not take him from us until the end of the world; that he allow him to serve each day. May this move your hearts...' It moved mine the other day in Adoration.Tatarkiewicz, "Ontological and Theological Perfection," Dialectics and Humanism, vol. VIII, no. 1 (winter 1981), pp. 190–91. a b c d Tatarkiewicz, "Aesthetic Perfection," Dialectics and Humanism, vol. VII, no. 4 (autumn 1980), p. 150. a b Tatarkiewicz, "Aesthetic Perfection," Dialectics and Humanism, vol. VII, no. 4 (autumn 1980), p. 145. Tatarkiewicz, "Paradoxes of Perfection", Dialectics and Humanism, vol. VII, no. 1 (winter 1980), p. 80. The Middle Ages — Romanesque and Gothic alike — had been quite taken with the idea of perfection. But a true explosion of the imperative for perfection came with the Renaissance. [26]