Let's Talk: How to Have Better Conversations

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From tracing the evolution of dialogue to discovering what lights up in the brain when we're enjoying a good discussion, Nihal speaks to conversational authorities including Lorraine Kelly, former president of Ireland Mary McAleese, Professor Tanya Byron, internationally bestselling author Johann Hari, Matthew Syed, and many more, to find out why good conversation has eroded over time and how we can fix it. Part how-to and part manifesto, Let's Talk is Nihal's accessible, anecdotal and invigorating toolkit to having better conversations with anyone, any time.

Nihal Arthanayake is author of Let’s Talk: How to Have Better Conversations You highlight how, in meetings with loyalists, Mary McAleese spoke about being “good neighbours” rather than discussing politics. Is that the key to a healthy conversation: focusing on common ground? Based on research that went into the app, as well as on ongoing exploration since, Heyman also has some general tips for talking to others better.

Transcript

And so, the way to prevent people from thinking they have to agree with you is by stepping out and saying, "Look, I'm counting on you guys to help me understand this. We all are counting on each other, and if I say the wrong thing, I want you to tell me because I want to get better. And we at this company are invested in growth mindset. We have no interest in being fixed in any way, shape, or form. And that means we're going to need to correct each other and rely on each other, and when you know something and I said the wrong thing, tell me." Nihal Arthanayake: “After I interviewed her for her memoir and I knew I was writing a book about conversation, honestly, how could I not have her in the book? It’s one of the starkest examples – the Northern Ireland peace process – of what is possible in conversation… If you're getting into too many details, it can be easy to lose focus on the big picture. Nobody cares about the exact date something happened or the last name of your great uncle's cousin. If you don't know something, just say that

Ah yes, in your question you asked how long the world’s longest telephone conversation lasted. It guessed it was an incredible 24 hours and 4 minutes… was I right? This week’s Unthinkable column has some sobering news for you. Despite all those years of voicing opinions and dazzling others with your intellect, you may not be able to hold a conversation. You also have to be willing to have the door slammed in your face a few times.” A lot of public speech takes place today in the performative space of social media. Are we losing the ability to hold a conversation?You're allowed to turn off the video function. Opt for a phone call instead: Calls have been scientifically proven to boost your mood and improve your cognitive abilities. Rebel against video chats in favor of the humble call! For Nihal, good conversation involves listening as much as speaking. By listening we find out things about the person we are talking to which, in turn, help us understand ourselves. This is why Nihal says we are enriched by listening – we are improved by having something else added. Social media encourages us to give our opinion on a subject without always listening in return - does this mean the art of conversation is being lost? Sam and Neil discuss the topic and teach you related vocabulary along the way. This week's question That was good. Thank you so much for an amazing conversation today. I certainly felt the pressure, so hopefully from every podcast now on, I will get better and better following your advice in this episode. So, thank you for spending your time with us today. I loved having you on the show.