The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy

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JG: Yeah, you know, I really took a look at myself this morning, because yesterday I didn’t respond to my daughter’s bid. She wanted to show us her garden, and I’m in the middle of reading a book on my Kindle, and I’m not very interested in gardening. And so, I decided to just read my book rather than go look at her garden. And Julie went out and looked at her garden, and this morning I was thinking, “I really missed that opportunity to get closer to my daughter by not going out there and seeing what that garden meant to her and the work she put into it.” And then she actually cooked something [laughter] from her garden for our dinner, and I didn’t really appreciate it. And so, I have to take a look at myself in the way I turn away and miss opportunities for getting closer to the person I love, probably the most of anybody on the planet. I have to really look at myself and see why do I make those choices? And become more aware of making bad choices. JG: That’s a very small thing, pretty small change, and I didn’t realize that I was just not responding.

JG: And you did that yesterday. You said, “Since I told you about, you’re not responding when I say something, now you’re doing it and it feels really good.” And I was glad. JG: Brené, one of the saddest studies I ever read was a study of high-priced call girls who are asked what’s the number one fantasy your male customers want? And the answer turned out to be they want me to pretend that I love them.JSG: I’m counting maybe one second, two seconds. And yet, what we found in our research is that couples who were successful, turn towards their partner’s bids for connection 86% of the time, just little tiny moments like that. Couples who were not successful, 33% of the time. They have poor self-awareness and struggle to share their feelings because they don't understand their internal emotional state. BB: And so, we talked a little bit about that, reaching out and touching, what does that mean and what does it not mean? My partner and I will never divorce — we’re not married. However, as we stagger towards the eight-year mark Terence and I have become subject to, if not a seven-year itch then a certain energyless exasperation. BB: So why is there such a mythology in addition to, “I have to be laying and snuggling the tree every day for six hours if I’m going to nurture it.” In addition to the time myth, why is there… Is it just early psychology that, “If we’re going to do important couples work together, it’s just going to be brutal conflict, put it all out on the table, tell each other how much we hate things about each other?” Where did that mythology come from? Because it seems very dangerous.

Maybe you once thought that if you lower your expectations, you won’t be disappointed by your partner. Or on the flip side, if you had high expectations… everything in your relationship would be perfect — but neither of those expectations are realistic. Instead, shoot for a “good enough” relationship. That might sound like you’re settling for less than best, but it’s really not. Curious to learn if your partner might have a low EQ and what you can do to fix it? Read on to find out. What does low EQ look like in a romantic partner?

Brought in under Bill Clinton in the US in the late 1990s, the Wisconsin model imposed a two-year limit on benefit for single parents – after which the recipient must get a job – and a five-year limit on receipt of all state welfare support. But, of course, asking someone to take an EQ test is a delicate matter – especially if you suspect the individual has low emotional intelligence. They may find your request offensive or dismiss your suggestion altogether.

BB: So almost in your language from this book, almost asking the other person to reveal the map, that map you talk about is understanding each other’s inner world. JSG: I think another part of it is that as children, most of us have been raised with criticism. Criticism is used oftentimes to control a kid’s behavior. A recent New York Times investigation told the desperate stories of jobless single mothers cut out of the welfare system. They had "sold food stamps, sold blood, skipped meals, shoplifted, doubled up with friends, scavenged trash bins for bottles and cans and returned to relationships with violent partners – all with children in tow". Need a date for a holiday event? A family dinner with nosy relatives pestering you about settling down? The Holidates App is the perfect answer to your busy lifestyle needs. With this dating app, find the perfect rental date; both parties set the terms and conditions, absolutely no strings attached.BB: No, and not good for… We know the data now, not good for physical health, emotional health, neurobiological health. JG: That’s exactly right. We’re shoulder to shoulder, facing a problem instead of being antagonists. Whether you’re looking to fix specific problems or get the most out of your marriage or romantic relationship, couples therapists John and Julie Gottman will get you moving in the right direction. . . .There isn’t a marriage or romantic partnership out there that won’t benefit from this book.” This book feels so hopeful because it's direct, it's really honest, and it's so actionable' Brené Brown Genetic variations: Science shows our genetics directly impact our ability to empathize by up to 10%, meaning that, for some people, cultivating compassion and understanding is inherently more straightforward than for others.