In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder

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A former police officer and internationally renowned professor of public protection, she lectures on sexualised and fatal violence; works with families bereaved through homicide; and trains police and other professionals on how to best handle cases involving coercive control, domestic abuse and stalking. The process of escalation is examined in chapter five, with a focus on stalking based on fixation, obsession, unwanted contact and repeated behaviour. The scary thing is the individuals in this book flipped when they felt their idealised image, their self-esteem, their status was threatened. Part case study, part social commentary and part memoir of a woman dealing with domestic homicide, ‘In Control’ shows that there are clear signs when a relationship is about to turn violent – we’ve just been trained not to see them. This book, for me, was a fascinating and disturbing insight into controlling behaviours, early signs, and how quickly they can escalate into something far more sinister.

But I would say the relationship won’t just be pushed along at a speed but also with all of these possessive things going on like pronounced jealousy. I wish I had read this earlier, but now I am glad that controlling behavior is finally being seen in a different light. Knowing about and being able to recognize the patterns of coercive control can be life-changing (or in the worst case life-saving) not only for professionals but for relatives, friends, coworkers of victims or even strangers they interact with. Had I read this book or something like it years ago, it would've opened my eyes to my own, thankfully short coercive relationship.My colleagues are now ploughing through this as well and they all agree that a tidal wave of change is coming based on our understanding of control from this work. It's shocking to realise how easy this is to apply to a relationship you've had, or relationships of your friends. The book focuses on improving understanding of why victims behave in ways that can seem strange to the everyday person — why don’t they just leave?

A former police officer, she is professor of public protection at the University of Gloucestershire, and is recognised for her groundbreaking work on coercive control and stalking. Just yesterday I was reading of a man who stabbed his ex wife and the judge said the Surrey police had to take some responsibility because they had not taken the women's predicament seriously and had made up their minds that the husband wasn't a danger. The author isn't trying to express emotions and has made an excellent effort to remove any bias on her behalf. For example, when Lenny first met Marcie, he immediately took control, telling her where to sit in the bar and insisting that he would pay for her drinks.Nothing seems to change and that's what's depressing about this book, until the police take women's concerns seriously, more women will die. Jealousy and manipulation in the nature of ownership is socially conscious of being "big man", "love".

This is an amazing book in which Jane Monckton Smith details the stages of coersive control and domestic abuse and is the new textbook on abusive relationships. A must read for anyone who wants to know more about coercive control, how it works and how to use the time line can be useful in preventing further violence (which can lead to murder). The author’s expertise, as both a former police officer and an academic, is evident throughout the book. because controlling people, in the main, will want a rapid commitment, they may target people who they feel might give that. I felt very strongly that there should be a way that men who exhibit these behaviours should be named so that women in their future can avoid them.Reading real life interviews of these families make these women more than statistics and the murderous men who kill them to be seen as controlling rather than the victims. I was intrigued to understand and read more about this from a level-headed, non-dramatised perspective.

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This is a pretty good description of authoritarian bullies who feel justified in murdering their partners. You’ve got someone who’s willing and happy to have arguments and the victim will do anything to avoid arguing with this person. An extremely interesting and important book, showing how control and coercion can lead to abuse and murder. Recognition: Narcissistic unsympathetic, relationship is developing rapidly, seen as a promise to hand over the right to harm. We all do our best to navigate the world as safely as possible, but there are some patterns of behaviour that seemingly defy logic, and an expert’s opinion (such as Monckton Smith’s) is a gold mine of information on how to understand these scenarios.