Patricia Wants to Cuddle: A Novel

Product Information

When the final four women in competition for an aloof, somewhat sleazy bachelor’s heart arrive on a mysterious island in the Pacific Northwest, they prepare themselves for another week of extreme sleep deprivation, invasive interviews, and, of course, the salacious drama eager viewers nationwide tune in to devour. Each woman came on The Catch for her own reasons—brand sponsorships, followers, and, yes, even love—and they’ve all got their eyes steadfastly trained on their respective prizes. Writing is tough. Making a living through writing is nigh impossible lately. And here I am, hoping for one Bon Jovi-style blaze of glory before I fade into obscurity. But really, truly, I want to keep doing this. Enter Patricia, a temperamental, but woefully misunderstood local, living alone in the dark, verdant woods and desperate to forge a connection of her own. As the contestants perform for the cameras that surround them, Patricia watches from her place in the shadows, a queer specter haunting the bombastic display of heterosexuality before her. But when the cast and crew at last make her acquaintance atop the island's tallest and most desolate peak, they soon realize that if they're to have any hope of making it to the next Elimination Event, they'll first have to survive the night.

I feel the story needs improvement in the depth of it characters, and descriptive nature of setting scenes etc. It felt more like the author was rushing to put the story into words, but didn't spend the time setting the scene or the characters. So, I can't say that I've applied it much before, but I think the expression "madcap adventure" is probably used to liberally. Rarely are things actually madcap, they're just messy or chaotic, or – in the case of fiction – badly written, so nonsensical. That being said – What makes a novel like Patricia so vital is that it reminds us just how fun literature can/should be, in this case with all the hallmarks of a 'beach read,' that double-edged recommendation. And yet the sentences in Patricia are supple and smart throughout, the characters deep, human, growing more complicated as our views into their interior lives and histories expand across the novel.” —Ryan McIlvain, Los Angeles Review of Books I love Samantha Allen! Her voice is an essential part of the movement and a new brand of queer hero for these dark times. In the face of the alt-right and crypto fascists, I say- Queeros Assemble!"―Lilly Wachowski, co-writer and co-director of The Matrix trilogy and co-creator of the GLAAD Award winning Netflix series Sense8

It’s those same 22-year-olds who made me realize Patricia Wants to Cuddle would have a home in 2022. The kids have grown up and they want weird queer shit. In one short decade, we’ve gone from studios assuming that only men would be interested in a film like Jennifer’s Body to Showtime actively courting a female audience for a cannibalism drama that was executive produced by none other than Karyn Kusama. In her debut novel, Patricia Wants to Cuddle, Allen combines the two genres to great effect, deftly striking a balance between satire and social commentary, nuanced character studies, the vapid nature of reality TV, horror, and just the right amount and type of humor to bring it all together . . . It’s a wonderful queer story.“ —Sarah Neilson, Shondaland

I absolutely loved this book. Honestly, I think the less you know about it before reading, the better, because it's a wild ride.

The synopsis calls Patricia Wants to Cuddle “a whirlwind romp.” I must have missed something because those aren’t the words I’d use to describe this story at all. But anyway: While nothing overtly horrific happens in the first half of the novel (other than the prologue, where a dead animal is discovered by an Otters Island resident), things start to take a turn for the terrifying at around 50% of the way in during the show’s glamping excursion at the top of a mountain. Amanda, the ditzy fashion blogger and frontrunner of this season of ‘The Catch’, is violently dragged out of her luxury yurt by a female Sasquatch and not long afterwards, everyone is thrown into a panic when they realize she’s missing.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle was an amazingly fun read. This is one that I'm still thinking about even after I finished it and I love it more with each passing day. This book is one you don't want to pass up on. You'll regret it if you do. As the weather warms up two things are certain: your social feeds will be filled with bikini beach pictures and Love Island will return for another season. Samantha Allen’s Patricia Wants to Cuddle is the much-needed queer antidote to the heat-induced fever of summer. Her debut novel follows the final contestants of The Catch – a The Bachelor-coded dating show – as they head to a remote island to film the final episodes. But there is an expected guest. Someone or something is catching the contestants’ eye through the forest. Is it another bachelor, is it an ape? No, it’s… I found it so interesting that your protagonists’ fraught relationships with their late parents — Miri with her mom, and Leah with her dad — seeped into the narrative. Can you talk about incorporating those elements? Set in a Bachelor-style reality show where 4 women are competing for the interest of a mediocre man, there are lots of behind the scenes UnREAL-style vibes. It's biting and funny and also somehow sympathetic towards everyone. When filming takes the final contestants to a small island past its prime where women have previously gone missing, things take a turn.

Advance Praise

Holy SHIT this book took me for a ride in the best way. So much fun. It's the perfect blend of camp-y horror and reality TV show satire with a little splash of queerness (lesbian cults anyone??) that I absolutely loved.

It takes a while for the plot to build so I'm sure some readers will be very surprised by just how big a turn it is. But I am a huge fan of a big turn and I was all in. The cover is kind of a giveaway (as is the title, in its own weird way) but that really doesn't spoil any of the fun. It's too bad sometimes people have to die, the book shrugs, as any good slasher-style horror does. The book follows the cast and crew of a Bachelor-esque reality dating show to a remote island in the Pacific Northwest where they are looking to film. And let's just say that things don't go as planned.This is the lesbian Sasquatch novel you’ve always wanted . . . this is the most badass book imaginable. . . . The publisher describes it as ‘viciously funny’ but I thought it was also kinda sweet. I’d give Patricia a cuddle.” - Molly Odintz, CrimeReads (Most Anticipated Crime Fiction of 2022)